How to Not Become A Man-Child (or Woman-Child)
We live in an era of adult children:
everybody wants freedom, but nobody wants responsibility.
The truth is, you cannot have freedom without taking
personal responsibility for your own needs.
Every freedom comes packaged with a certain amount of responsibility.
- To live on your own, you must be responsible for cooking, cleaning, and managing the house.
- To have a car, you must maintain it and drive safely.
- To start a business, you must manage your schedule, keep clients happy, and pay your employees.
The Illusion of Freedom Without Responsibility
Is it possible to have freedom without responsibility?
Yes, in the short term, when someone else (like a parent)
gives you freedom while taking responsibility for your needs.
However, you do not actually want this,
because freedom without responsibility hinders your growth
and turns you into an adult child.
Consider a spoiled child whose parents provide unlimited money
and freedom without requiring any responsibility in return.
He does not have to study, work, clean, cook,
or even make real friends.
If he is cut off from that wealth as an adult,
he is left to fend for himself.
Because he never had to meet his own needs,
he lacks the basic skills to function in the world.
He is a fully dependent man-child.
As long as he remains dependent, he will never be truly free.
He will look for someone else to provide that lifestyle for him,
becoming a slave to their expectations,
or he will turn to destructive coping mechanisms.
The cost of never taking responsibility
for your own needs is the total loss of your own freedom.
The Path to True Freedom
If you start taking responsibility for your own needs,
a powerful chain reaction occurs:
- Responsibility leads to Competence: By packing your own lunch, paying your own bills, buying your own car, and working for your own money, you gain the capacity to satisfy your own needs.
- Competence leads to Independence: Because you can take care of yourself, you no longer need to rely on others.
- Independence grants the Ability to Revolt: When you are not reliant on someone else’s resources, you can confidently say “no” to their demands. If your parents demand you stay in a local college but you are fully self-sufficient, you have the power to revolt, move away, and retain your freedom.
Authenticity Requires Competence
True freedom means being able to live authentically
and simply be yourself.
This is only possible when you can say no to the demands of others.
The more incompetent you are,
the more dependent you will be on others.
The more dependent you are, the more you have
to suppress your authenticity and conform
to their ideals to keep them happy
and ensure your needs are met.
Conversely, the more competent and independent you become,
the less you have to worry about pleasing others.
When you do not have to worry about pleasing others,
you are finally free to be completely authentic.
