How to Easily Overcome Social Anxiety
When you are socially anxious and go to a party,
your heart starts beating
because you view the social situation as a monster.
The party represents a setting that is constantly judging you,
and negative judgments signal a drop in your place
within the dominance hierarchy.
Because this is essentially a harsh evaluation by nature itself,
going into a social situation feels like confronting the dragon of chaos.
The Physical and Mental Trap of Social Anxiety
When confronted with this overwhelming fear,
your natural physical reaction is to hunch over.
This low-dominance posture is a biological way of signaling,
“I am no threat.” While it makes logical sense when facing a tyrant,
it does not get you very far in a modern social environment.
Internally, you fall into a self-focused trap.
Your internal monologue becomes entirely focused on yourself:
- “What are people thinking about me?”
- “Am I looking stupid?”
- “I am so awkward.”
- “I am sweating too much.”
When you are trapped in this loop, the “eye”—your capacity
to pay attention—stops working properly
because it is pointed entirely inward.
You cannot simply tell yourself to “stop thinking about yourself”
because that only reinforces the loop,
much like trying not to think about a white elephant.
Push Your Attention Outward
The key to overcoming social anxiety is to look at other people.
You must push your attention outward.
Unless you completely lack basic social skills
(in which case,
behavioral therapy is highly effective for learning social procedures),
you already have the ability to communicate.
Most highly introverted or neurotic people
can talk quite well one-on-one. Why?
Because in a one-on-one setting,
they are looking directly at the other person.
If you push your attention outward and genuinely watch
the other person, you can tell what they are thinking.
Once you shift your focus entirely onto them instead of yourself,
all of your automatic social mechanisms naturally kick in.
You stop being awkward because you are actively paying attention
to the flow of the conversation.
If you do not pay attention to the other person, you miss their cues.
You end up putting disjunctions into
the conversation—like playing bad chords in a melody—simply
because you aren’t watching what they are doing next.
The Power of the “Eye”
If you are ever speaking to a group of people,
never speak to “the group.”
A group does not exist as a single entity.
Instead, talk to individuals.
Look at one person, and they will reflect the entire group’s
reactions back to you.
You already know how to talk to one person,
so doing this makes public speaking much easier.
The “eye” sits at the top of the pyramid.
The capacity to pay attention is the ultimate tool that enables
you to navigate any dominance hierarchy.
You must pay attention to what your brain signals as anomalous
or “not going quite right.”
That anomaly is the terrible monster that scares you,
but it is also the exact place where you get
all the vital information you need to adapt and succeed.
