10 Characteristics of Highly Toxic Parents
A taboo topic in society is speaking ill of our parents.
Traumatic events regarding parents are often shushed
with phrases like “they did the best they could”
or “you’re ungrateful.”
While parents might have meant well, some are highly toxic.
The consequence of a lifetime of toxic parenting
is an adult who continues to suffer from an unhealthy
perspective of love and relationships
and a lack of understanding of their own emotional and mental needs.
1. They Are Hyper-Critical
Criticism from parents is normal,
but if parents are overly critical on a regular basis, this is a toxic trait.
This constant criticism and comparison make a child feel like
they aren’t good enough or at fault for the constant attacks.
The result is an adult who has a harsh inner critic as a constant
companion, which can actually sound like the parent’s voice.
2. They Don’t Allow You to Express True Feelings
Healthy parents are aware that their children
have emotions and opinions.
Highly toxic parents take a child expressing difficult emotions
as an attack on their character.
Being dismissive of children’s emotions can result in depression
because their true selves are suppressed.
This results in a child who can’t express or identify their own needs,
aiming to please everyone as an adult.
3. They Compete With You
Toxic parents view their children as competitors.
They might derail success or goals by using sabotage
and belittling dreams and accomplishments.
Some highly toxic parents are quite jealous of their children
and the opportunities they have,
so they might overtake the goals or force the child
to live the parent’s own long-gone dreams.
4. They Don’t See Children as Individuals
Highly toxic parents see their children as extensions of themselves.
Because they see their kids as small versions of themselves,
they fear the kids being autonomous and leaving them,
preventing them from functioning as individuals.
Any undesirable behavior that makes the parent look bad is ridiculed.
The child becomes an adult who doesn’t have
a separate identity or know who they are.
5. They Control Children Using Guilt and Money
Healthy parents give gifts and affection
without expecting anything in return.
Toxic parents will give a child things and demand something in return.
If the child doesn’t comply,
they are reminded of the sacrifices the parent made.
Children become afraid to ask for help or things they need.
They may turn into suspicious, distrustful adults
who question kindness and doubt people’s intentions.
6. They Always Put Their Feelings First
Putting feelings first,
often and at the expense of others, is a toxic trait.
By not considering the family’s feelings and opinions,
these parents force their kids to hide their true feelings
to please and soothe the parents.
This can result in an adult who lies, hides who they are,
and downplays their own needs.
7. They Demand Attention and Praise
Toxic parents can’t live without constant positive attention and praise.
They constantly demand interaction,
creating a forced bonding that is tiring
and time-consuming for children.
These children may turn into adults who struggle to say no
and suffer through things they really don’t want
to do because of leftover guilt.
8. They Withhold Love as a Form of Punishment
Highly toxic parents will often use the silent treatment
on their child to discipline them instead
of expressing displeasure in a productive way.
This passive-aggressiveness makes the child feel pressured
into solving a problem they didn’t even cause.
They may tell their kids they don’t love them, give short, rude answers,
dirty looks, and refuse physical touch.
This manifests in children who hide the truth
or engage in worse behavior.
9. They Give No Apologies and Take No Blame
Well-rounded parents know their actions have consequences
and communicate when they hurt their children.
Toxic parents always see themselves as the victim,
preoccupying themselves with judging and blaming everyone else.
They refuse to give apologies
because they believe children aren’t worthy of them.
This makes the child feel like wrongs done to them don’t matter,
becoming adults who don’t voice grievances and suffer in silence.
10. They Ignore Healthy Boundaries
Highly toxic parents don’t know what boundaries
are in regard to their kids.
They give little to no privacy, trample all over boundaries,
and force an enmeshed dynamic where you can’t tell
where the child starts and the rest of the family ends.
This child becomes an adult with little understanding
of healthy boundaries and respect for others.
Breaking the Cycle
If you come from a home
where you didn’t receive unconditional love and security,
practicing independence and individuality can help break this cycle.
While it takes a long time, therapy is extremely important
and helpful for victims of toxic parenting.
