5 Questions a Gentleman NEVER Asks

A huge part of being a gentleman is how you conduct yourself

in social situations and in conversation.

To be a good conversationalist, you need to ask questions.

However, there are certain types of questions that

a gentleman would never ask.

These are questions that might be interpreted as invasive, impolite,

or just downright rude.

Here are those questions, a polite alternative, and how to handle them if somebody asks you.

How Much Money Do You Make?

In most cultures, it is seen as rude to ask direct questions

about people’s personal finances.

In the US, there is a little less of a taboo about

this compared to Europe,

but still, to ask somebody how much money they make

is very gauche and should always be avoided.

If somebody doesn’t make a lot of money,

they might feel embarrassed to tell you.

If they do make a lot of money, they might not want

to seem show-offish, or they might not want to tell you

for security reasons. Either way, it’s simply none of your business.

• A Polite Alternative: It is much better to ask questions such as, “What do you do for a living?” or “What motivates you in your work?” This opens up the conversation and gives them the opportunity, if they really wanted to, to tell you about their personal financial situation.
• How to Handle It: If somebody asks you how much money you make, the most classy and simple answer you can give is to simply say, “I prefer not to talk about money.”

What Do You Think of My Expensive Purchase?

Asking somebody what they think of your obviously expensive,

flashy purchase screams of insecurity and reeks of desperation.

Nothing says “fishing for a compliment” like asking this kind of question.

If somebody wants to pay you a compliment, they will.

Everybody has noticed your Lamborghini or your Rolex;

there is no need to point it out.

• A Polite Alternative: If you genuinely want somebody’s opinion, frame the question by asking if something is suitable. For example, “Do you think this watch goes with this outfit?” or “Do you prefer this tie or a different one?” That way, you’re not fishing for a compliment, but showing that you genuinely care about their opinion.
• How to Handle It: Anytime somebody asks what you think of their car or watch, say, “Oh, it’s very nice.” They can’t get offended because it is a compliment, but it doesn’t give them the satisfaction of getting the big, gushing compliments they were looking for.

What Does Your Father Do?

This is a question you very commonly hear in upper-class

social circles, particularly in the northeast of the US and in the UK.

However, to ask somebody what their father does

or did for a living is an incredibly elitist

and outdated conversation topic.

A modern gentleman would never judge a man based

on the class or profession of his family.

It is more than okay to ask this as you get to know somebody

a little better, but it is commonly asked as one of the

opening questions when meeting somebody new.

It is also very outdated to assume that only one parent

in their family was a professional person.

• A Polite Alternative: Ask a question about what they do for a living, and you can even say, “What inspired you to take up that profession?” or “Did your family do a similar line of work?”
• How to Handle It: Always answer this question honestly, even if it’s not really any of their business. If somebody does decide to judge you based on your answer, just be grateful that you will not have the misfortune of developing a closer acquaintance with them.

Are You Pregnant?

Gentlemen never ask a lady if she is pregnant.

The risks of her getting offended if she’s actually just carrying

a little weight or is bloated are far too great.

It’s none of your business whether or not a lady is carrying a child.

When she is ready to tell you or her social circle, she will.

Do not pressure her or make her feel like

she has to announce this before she is ready.

• A Polite Alternative: If you see a lady with what you believe to be a baby bump, it’s natural to be curious, but it’s really best not to comment at all.

Why Don’t You Have Kids Yet?

It’s perfectly fine to take an interest in the family plans of your friends

and other people in your social circle.

However, be very careful when you ask this question,

not to take an accusatory tone.

By asking this, you are assuming that they want to have children

and that they can have children.

Many couples experience fertility issues or miscarriages,

and it’s best not to remind them of these upsetting incidents.

They may also not have agreed on their family plans as a couple,

which could actually be a source of argument

and contention in their marriage.

• A Polite Alternative: Ask this type of question in a more open way, such as, “Do you have any plans to start a family?” That way, you’re not framing the question in a way that suggests either yes or no is the right answer.
• How to Handle It: If somebody asks you about your family plans and you don’t feel ready to share it, it’s perfectly fine to say, “We’re still figuring that one out.” Don’t feel pressured to reveal anything, especially if you haven’t already discussed it and agreed upon it with your spouse.