Why you Should Never Take your Ex Back

An ex is an ex for a reason, and there are very few exceptions

where getting back together is a good idea.

This is especially true if the other person

was the one who ended the relationship.

The underlying issues that caused the breakup

are unlikely to have completely resolved themselves,

particularly if they were rooted in deep personality differences.

Why You Should Never Restore Commitment

If someone ended your relationship and eventually comes back

into your life,

you must never restore them to their previous level of commitment.

If she was your wife or girlfriend when she left,

she cannot return to that same role.

By spontaneously breaking the relationship agreement,

she demonstrated a lack of loyalty.

This significantly compromises the trust between you,

and you simply cannot have a stable,

committed relationship with someone you do not completely trust.

The Only Acceptable Relationship Structure

If she does return, the only relationship structure

you can safely consider is a casual one.

Different relationship structures require different levels of trust

to function, and casual relationships fortunately require very little.

She cannot return to her previous position

because that position literally no longer exists.

Both you and your relationship needs

have evolved since the breakup.

Trying to force an old relationship structure

into the present moment will not work;

it is often just an attempt to recapture

a nostalgic feeling that no longer exists in reality.

Exes to Avoid Completely

While a casual relationship might be acceptable

in some limited scenarios,

there are two specific types of exes you must avoid completely:

• The Aggressive or Unhinged Ex: Even casual relationships require a basic, baseline level of trust that you are physically and relationally safe. If your ex has a history of physical violence, stalking, or spreading rumors, you cannot trust her. For your own self-preservation, you must cut off all dealings with her.
• The Ex You Are Still in Love With: If you are still in love with her, you will not be able to successfully maintain a casual framework. Over time, you will almost certainly end up restoring her to her previous level of commitment, which reinforces a pattern of instability and mistrust.

Ultimately, if an ex comes back, it is usually

because things did not work out with someone else.

Instead of going backward, it is better to learn your lessons,

let go of resentment, and keep moving forward until you

find someone who is a much better fit for

what you are trying to build.