How to Protect Yourself From a Narcissist

If you have a narcissist in your life, you are likely feeling frustrated,

overwhelmed, confused, manipulated,

and tired of the constant scheming.

Whether the narcissist is a parent, friend, co-worker, partner,

or sibling, these five tactics can help you successfully navigate

the relationship and put your mind more at ease.

Accept That They Are Unlikely to Change

This is the first and most important step.

When dealing with a narcissist, you have to mentally place an

“as is” sticker on their forehead.

You get this person exactly as they are.

If they have a personality disorder, it is pervasive, enduring,

and highly unlikely to change.

Do not enter interactions hoping you can fix

or alter their fundamental behavior.

Don’t Take Anything Personally

A narcissist will compliment you and make you feel good

when it serves their interests,

and they will criticize or belittle you when that serves their interests.

Their behavior has nothing to do with you.

They often project their own internal feelings

onto you—for example,

calling you a narcissist if they sense you suspect they are one.

Because their actions are based entirely

on what will get them what they want,

you should take nothing they say or do personally,

whether it is good or bad.

Protect Yourself With Boundaries

When you are in a relationship with someone

who has narcissistic personality disorder,

you must use boundaries to protect yourself.

It is important to understand that these boundaries may not

change their behavior, but they will protect you emotionally,

physically, legally, and financially.

Narcissists do not think they are doing anything wrong,

so they will never acknowledge your healthy boundaries.

Sometimes, narcissists can take things to

a damaging extreme—such as taking out loans in a family member’s

name and refusing to admit it is illegal or abusive.

In these cases, you might even have to take legal steps

to protect yourself, because trying to make a narcissist

understand their wrongdoing is a lost cause.

Believe Behavior, Not Words

A narcissist knows exactly how to manipulate you with words.

They will tell you exactly what you want to hear

about how things will change and get better in the future,

but there is never any follow-through.

If you place more importance on the words

you are hearing than the actual behavior you are seeing,

you will remain confused and stuck.

This also applies to your own behavior.

Your behavior communicates more than your words do.

If you tell a narcissist that you will not tolerate a certain behavior,

but you stay and tolerate it anyway,

your actions are communicating that your boundaries can be crossed.

Validate Your Own Needs

Do not look to the narcissist to validate your feelings

or understand your perspective.

If you are pulling away or trying to explain why you are hurt,

they are not going to understand or care.

Instead, you must validate your own emotions, wants, and desires.

To do this effectively, shift your focus toward

a healthy support system of people who actually validate

and care about your needs.

Removing your reliance on the narcissist for validation

is a crucial step toward your own healing.