6 Signs You Were Never in Love
Many people seek love or a romantic relationship,
but this often involves growth, which can be painful,
requires compromise, and involves vulnerability.
Love demands that we constantly improve,
be more understanding, and practice patience.
On the flip side, it also means knowing
when things just aren’t working out anymore and having the guts to leave.
Confused about how you feel?
Here are 6 signs you were never in love.
1. You Move Things Fast
Infatuation thrives on speed, while love takes time to develop.
Relationship expert Susan Winter says,
“Infatuation lives in illusion. Love can survive reality.”
- The Illusion: When you are quick to jump into a relationship with someone, you base it off your dreams more than who is really in front of you.
- Common Examples: This includes fantasizing about your future with them, lusting after them, and obsessing about them—all done after only a few weeks of knowing them.
2. You Expect Them to Be Flawless
Do you believe in soulmates or fate?
It sounds good in theory, but Winter states that infatuation
needs perfection in order to survive.
- Anger at Reality: You get angry or disappointed when they show you their true colors.
- Lack of Space: When you expect your partner to be consistently well-dressed, good with their words, or impressive with their accomplishments, you are not giving them space to be honest with you.
- Love vs. Infatuation: Love is grounded. When you love someone, you accept their imperfections, work through the bad, and enjoy the good together.
3. You Are Not Comfortable Around Them
Who hasn’t felt self-conscious about saying the wrong thing
or making a bad impression?
However, when you truly fall in love with someone,
that is when you can let loose and stop caring so much.
- Vulnerability: Dr. Brené Brown, a research expert on vulnerability, discovered that those who have a strong sense of love and belonging are more open to vulnerability.
- Building Walls: Those who feel disconnected from their partners consistently build their walls up. If you don’t share your emotions, struggles, or secrets with someone, you haven’t fully loved.
4. You Become More Distant
It is normal for passion to intensify initially,
only to taper off into a steady relationship.
But two people in love will still want to be around each other frequently.
- The Warning Sign: If you find yourself wanting to get away from your partner more and more these days—canceling dinner plans often because you would rather hang out with your friends, family, or cat—then something is up.
5. Your Mind Is Elsewhere
Stephen Betchen, author of Magnetic Partners,
states that partners who are in love tend to maintain
a focus on their counterparts.
- Expression of Care: When you notice the little things about them or express concern when the two of you run into conflict, it shows that you care for them.
- Avoiding Conflict: If you avoid those tough conversations or slip away from arguments, you also stop emphasizing their importance in your life. Soon, your heart follows your mind elsewhere.
6. You Have Developed Anxiety
Have you been experiencing digestive problems or trouble sleeping
Psychologist Kay Balestri and Dr. Ann Shieb both say
that anxiety can show in bodily functions.
- Breaking the News: You might have something you need to get off your chest and dread how to break the news to your partner.
- The Truth: You can only run away from the truth for so long before it catches up to you. Forcing love when it is absent will only hurt the two of you. Both of you deserve to find love elsewhere if it cannot be found in your relationship.
