4 Common Behaviors That Kill Relationships
Those of us who are romantics at heart often fantasize
about perfect, “movie-style” love.
Even if you aren’t a romantic,
you likely still want someone to lean on, laugh with, and trust.
We want the connection of Jim
and Pam from The Office—lovers and best friends
who support each other’s dreams.
However, real life isn’t always like The Office.
Sometimes relationships look more like a dysfunctional,
mild version of Ryan and Kelly.
Toxic behaviors can creep into a relationship,
whether you intend them to or not.
What are the common behaviors that can kill a relationship?
1. Avoiding Apologies
Sometimes partners unintentionally hurt each other,
perhaps a joke goes too far or criticism becomes too frequent.
When a partner is genuinely hurt, avoiding an apology
or never giving one is a common behavior
that can destroy a relationship.
- The Fear: It can be difficult to say sorry because we may be afraid to admit mistakes, feeling inadequate or guilty beneath the surface.
- The Power of Sorry: A 2017 study in Frontiers in Psychology found that offering a sincere apology makes the other person much more likely to forgive you.
- Reducing Tension: Research from 2014 showed that apologies reduce feelings of anger and clear negative tension.
Tip: If you feel awkward apologizing face-to-face,
try writing a letter or leaving a small note on the fridge.
Your partner will appreciate the sincere gesture.
2. Unhealthy Attachment
According to Greek mythology,
humans were originally created with two faces
and four arms but were split apart by Zeus,
condemning them to search for their “other half.”
While “two bodies, one soul” sounds romantic,
it can lead to unhealthy dependency.
- Losing Identity: A 2018 study indicated that emotional dependence can be a sign of childhood trauma or preoccupied attachment. This manifests when you lose your sense of identity outside the relationship.
- Isolation: You might neglect friends to hang out only with your partner or depend on them entirely for emotional comfort rather than regulating your own emotions.
If you feel you don’t know who you are without your partner,
this dependency could be killing the relationship.
3. “Broken Crystal Ball” (Lack of Communication)
It is a cliché, but communication is the key to relationships.
Numerous studies confirm that clear communication is vital.
- Negative Patterns: A 2021 study in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin showed that relationships flourish when you avoid negative patterns like making assumptions.
- Mind Reading: When you don’t communicate needs, you force your partner to read your mind. For example, if your partner is quiet after a 12-hour shift, you might assume they are angry and accuse them of giving you the silent treatment. This escalates a situation that could have been solved by asking, “Why are you so quiet?”
The Fix: Stop assuming. Ask questions.
More often than not,
your assumptions about your partner’s thoughts will be incorrect.
4. Micromanaging
As a relationship progresses and you move in together,
small habits—like leaving clothes on the floor
or putting cereal in the wrong cupboard—might start to irk you.
A common, destructive response is micromanaging.
- The Control Trap: Micromanaging involves trying to control every aspect of another person’s actions. Clinical psychologist Karen Nimmo notes that micromanagers often have such high standards that they struggle to trust their partners to do things “correctly.”
- The Impact: This behavior drives partners crazy, making them feel incompetent, resentful, or anxious about whether they can ever do anything right.
Micromanaging can sometimes be a sign of underlying issues
like anxiety or OCD.
If you find yourself doing this,
reaching out to a mental health professional can help stop
the behavior before it ruins the relationship.
Summary
Toxic behaviors like refusing to apologize, becoming codependent,
making assumptions instead of communicating,
and micromanaging daily tasks can slowly erode
even the strongest bonds.
Recognizing these habits is the first step toward fixing them
and moving from a “Ryan and Kelly”
dynamic to a supportive, healthy partnership.
