13 Super Specific Signs That Your Childhood Was Extremely Damaging

Smiling Your Way Through Hell

One sign that your childhood may have been damaging

is that you smile your way through hell.

No matter how awful things are, how you are treated,

or what is going on,

you keep a smile on your face and a stiff upper lip.

You never make anyone uncomfortable

with who you truly are or how you feel.

Serious Feelings of Isolation and Loneliness

Another indicator is experiencing serious feelings

of isolation and loneliness.

These feelings stem from what you learned,

believed about yourself,

and the programming you received growing up.

You may have learned to cope with being

and feeling isolated because of a lack of support, affection,

and help that might have existed in a more functional family.

A Lack of Healthy and Lasting Relationships

If you don’t have healthy or lasting relationships,

it could be a sign of childhood damage.

Many people with damaging childhoods say they don’t have friends,

don’t know how to make them,

or don’t know how to sustain romantic relationships.

Unearthing the root problems underneath this isolation

can help create a better environment for moving forward

with friendships and relationships.

Being Startled by the Smallest Noises

Being startled by even the smallest noise can be a symptom

of PTSD and a sign of a damaging childhood.

This heightened readiness to be startled often stems

from childhood abuse, intimidation, bullying, fear,

and being terrorized by unhealthy parents.

Changing Behavior When Someone Enters the Room

If your inner dialogue, mental state,

or behavior shifts the moment someone enters the room,

it may be a sign that you had damaging experiences growing up.

Feeling Guilt and Shame in Normal Situations

Feeling overwhelming waves of guilt and shame in completely

normal situations—such as a boss offering constructive criticism

about your productivity—is another specific sign.

While it is a boss’s job to provide feedback,

those with damaging childhoods often experience intense shame,

guilt, and reactivity to even the hint of criticism.

Oversharing or Sharing Nothing at All

Living in extremes—either oversharing

or sharing nothing at all—can be a consequence

of childhood programming.

You may overshare with people you shouldn’t

and undershare with those you should,

often doing the opposite of what is healthy due to past experiences.

Having a Very Small Friend Circle or No Friends

While introversion is normal, having no friends

or feeling completely unable to maintain friendships may point

to underlying childhood issues and trauma,

rather than simply being your “fault”

or a sign that you are inherently unworthy of friendship.

Struggles with Authority

Having an unhealthy relationship with authority—either needing

too much of it, constantly rebelling against it,

or blindly submitting and complying

without thinking—can signify a damaging childhood.

Fantasizing About Other Parent-Child Relationships

Seeing a healthy parent-child relationship,

such as a mother and child in a grocery store,

and fantasizing or wishing that it was you or that you had

a family who treated you that way,

is a strong indicator of a damaging childhood.

Becoming Childlike Around Your Parents

If you immediately regress into childhood roles

and feel very childlike when visiting your parents as an adult,

it is a sign of past dysfunction.

This regression can lead you to accept inappropriate

parenting behavior.

While parents can offer wisdom, support, and advice,

true “parenting” should end at age 18.

Struggling to Understand Who You Really Are

If you struggle to understand who you really are,

what you truly think, or how you genuinely feel,

it is likely you did not get a good foundation

for being yourself growing up.

Trauma, abuse, dysfunction, or narcissistic parenting

can suppress your ability to know your true self,

your thoughts, your wants, and your preferences.