Psychology of People Who Always Travel Alone
Have you ever seen someone eating alone at a food stall
or watching a movie alone at the cinema?
Maybe you yourself often do that.
Some say it’s a pity, some say it’s cool,
but what actually goes on in the heads of people
who are comfortable going everywhere alone?
Many people feel weird if they have to go out alone.
If you want to eat at a street vendor,
you think people will assume you have no friends.
Getting coffee alone feels awkward,
and traveling alone immediately makes family worried.
This isn’t just your feeling.
Research from the University of Maryland in 2017 showed that people
tend to avoid solo activities in public places
because they are afraid of being judged negatively by others.
They think others will consider them lonely, antisocial, or unlikable.
Even though the reality is, other people don’t really care that much.
The same study showed that external observers rarely
give negative judgments to people who are alone.
The negative judgment is only in our own heads.
This is called the spotlight effect.
We feel like everyone is paying attention to us,
even though they are busy with their own business.
So why are so many still uncomfortable?
Because we live in a culture that emphasizes sociability.
From childhood, we are taught that having many friends is good,
group activities are fun,
and being alone is synonymous with loneliness.
Social media makes this worse.
Everyone posts pictures with friends, family time, and double dates.
Rarely does anyone post eating chicken noodles alone.
1. High Need for Autonomy
Self-determination theory from Deci and Ryan explains
that humans have three basic psychological needs:
autonomy, competence, and relatedness.
People who are often alone usually have a high need for autonomy.
This means they need full control over their lives.
They don’t want their decisions influenced
or compromised by others.
- They choose what to eat themselves.
- They choose what movie to watch without debating.
- They decide what time to go home.
This doesn’t mean they are selfish;
they just value personal freedom more.
Research shows that fulfilled autonomy correlates
with higher individual well-being.
2. Solitude Preference
There is a big difference between loneliness and solitude.
- Loneliness is feeling lonely, a negative condition where you feel isolated and don’t have the connections you need.
- Solitude is chosen aloneness, a positive condition where you are alone because you want to be.
In fact, solitude can increase creativity, self-reflection,
and emotional regulation.
People who are used to being alone are better at recognizing
their own emotions and processing life experiences.
If you prefer to go alone, it doesn’t mean you are antisocial or lonely.
You just prefer time to yourself, and that is very natural.
3. Introversion
Carl Jung’s concept of the introvert is often misunderstood.
Introvert doesn’t mean being shy or disliking people.
It is about where your energy comes from.
Extroverts get energy from social interactions;
the more they meet people, the more their battery fills up.
Introverts, on the contrary,
find that social interaction drains their energy.
They need time alone to recharge.
That’s why many introverts are more comfortable walking
around alone, not because they don’t have friends,
but because they need time to refill their mental energy.
If forced to continuously socialize, they could actually burn out.
4. High Self-Efficacy
Bandura explains self-efficacy as a person’s belief in their ability
to complete a task or face a certain situation.
People who are comfortable alone usually have high self-efficacy.
They are confident that they can handle any situation
without the help of others.
If they get lost, they can ask.
If they are confused about ordering from a menu, they can find out.
If bored, they can find their own activities.
This self-confidence doesn’t appear suddenly.
It is the result of repeated experiences that prove they can,
and every time they successfully do something alone,
their self-efficacy gets stronger.
5. Mindfulness and Presence
When you are alone, you are more present in that moment.
You are not distracted by conversation,
you don’t have to think about other people’s feelings,
and you don’t have to maintain an image.
Research on mindfulness shows that the ability
to be fully present in the current moment increases
psychological well-being.
People who are alone reach this state more easily
because they don’t have external distractions.
Eating alone, you can truly taste the food.
Walking alone, you are more aware of the surrounding environment.
This is what is often missed when we are always in social mode.
6. Reduced Social Comparison
Social comparison theory from Leon Festinger explains that
humans have a natural tendency to compare themselves with others,
which can be a source of stress and insecurity.
When you are alone, this social comparison process
is drastically reduced.
You don’t think about why someone is smarter,
why they are funnier, or why you are the quietest.
You can be yourself without the pressure to compete or conform.
What needs to be remembered is that this isn’t about which is right.
There is nothing better than liking to be alone
or liking to be in a crowd.
This is just a personal preference shaped by your personality,
psychological needs, and life experiences.
If you are comfortable alone, continue.
If you prefer a crowd, that’s also okay.
The important thing is you know why you chose that way,
and you respect the choices of others.
For those who are still hesitant to try going alone, just try it once,
starting small. Drink coffee alone, sit in the park alone.
Who knows, you might find a new side of yourself that has
never appeared because there are always other people.
