It Took Me 30+ Years to Realize What I’ll Tell You in 4 Minutes…
Note that this is based on someone else’s experience!
I am not that old enough to have these experiences and knowledge.
I am also a student here!
What if the thing you are desperately chasing—the perfect body,
fame, success, more money—isn’t actually what you want?
We all tell ourselves, “I’ll be happy when I lose weight,”
“I’ll be happy when I get the promotion,”
or “I’ll finally be respected when I’m successful.”
In this article, we explore a realization
that took over 30 years to figure out,
saving you decades of frustration and suffering.
1. The Trap of Seeking External Validation
Many people chase goals not for the achievement itself,
but for the feeling they think it will bring.
- The Illusion of Fame: Chasing fame often comes from a deep place of unworthiness—a feeling of being overlooked or not special. The belief is that if you get famous, everyone will like you, and life will work out.
- The Reality: Jim Carrey famously said that many who achieve fame still feel empty and hollow inside. They weren’t seeking fame; they were seeking love, validation, and acceptance—things they could have given themselves all along.
2. The Obsession with Physical Perfection
A common belief is that love is conditional
on physical appearance—thinking,
“No one will love me unless I am thin.”
- The Outcome: Even after achieving the “perfect” body or finding the “perfect” partner, the obsession often remains.
- The Real Desire: What is truly wanted isn’t the perfect body, but self-love: to approve of oneself and accept oneself deeply, regardless of weight or appearance.
3. The Cycle of Goal Chasing
How many times have you chased a goal, achieved it,
felt happy for a minute, and then immediately felt
the urge to achieve something else?
- The Perspective of Aging: Working with elderly patients reveals a stark contrast. Some spend their final years bitter or waiting for a lottery win they’ll never enjoy. Others, even at 90 or 100, are curious, fun, and constantly growing.
- Evolving vs. Devolving: You are either evolving or devolving; you never stay the same. If you aren’t growing and learning, your world gets smaller.
4. True Freedom vs. Fake Confidence
- Fake Confidence: This is seeking validation, like posting photos on social media to make it look like you have a wonderful life.
- True Freedom: This is when external things don’t get to you anymore. It is when you can speak without your heart racing, when cruel words don’t affect you, and when you can look in the mirror at an aging face and completely accept yourself.
- Real Confidence: It is walking into a party not thinking, “What will people think of me?” but rather, “Who can I meet? What can I learn today?”
5. Overcoming Scarcity Mindset
Many fears, such as the fear of not paying off a mortgage,
are rooted in scarcity—the fear of not being safe
or having enough.
- Benevolent Universe: You can give yourself a feeling of safety right now by choosing to trust that the universe is benevolent and that things work out.
- Reframing: Instead of viewing the world as hostile, view challenges as the universe pushing you to grow.
6. The Journey IS the Destination
When success comes, fear often follows
(“What if I can’t replicate this?”). This fear makes us forget the point.
- The Purpose: The point is to grow, serve, and add value, not just to achieve numbers or status.
- The Hero’s Journey: The joy isn’t reaching the peak of the mountain; it is the process of getting there—the struggles, the dragons you slay, and the obstacles you overcome. Once you reach the peak, there is always another mountain.
7. Giving Yourself What You Want Right Now
Everything you think you want is because you believe
it will give you a specific feeling (love, safety, worthiness).
- The Secret: You can give yourself that feeling right now.
- Worthy: You are worthy simply because you exist.
- Safe: Choose to believe you live in a safe universe.
- Loved: Don’t wait for a partner; choose to love yourself now.
Summary
Life is not about meeting a magical destination;
it is about growing until we take our last breath.
Stop waiting for “someday” to feel complete.
Step out of your comfort zone, embrace the discomfort,
and realize that the process of growing itself is what brings fulfillment.
