How To Ruin 2026 Step By Step (GUARANTEED)
Congratulations. You’ve successfully wasted 2025,
and now you’re here, ready to make 2026 just as disappointing.
Great.
Let’s make sure you ruin it properly and don’t mess it up.
All you have to do is follow this step-by-step guide,
and I guarantee next December you’ll be back for the
2027 version of this guide.
1. Start Every Day by Grabbing Your Phone
Forget morning routines. Forget goals.
Just roll over and let TikTok or Instagram inject 45 minutes
of noise into your brain before you’ve even stood up.
Bonus points if you compare yourself to someone
younger, richer, and more successful on these apps.
2. Avoid Physical Activity at All Cost
Why would you need exercise? You’re invincible, right?
Your back doesn’t hurt, your metabolism works perfectly,
and your energy hasn’t tanked yet.
Keep this mindset, and by the end of 2026, you’ll be panting
going upstairs and look older than most people your age.
3. Surround Yourself with People Exactly Like You
Find friends who complain about their lives, never change,
think ambition is cringe, and sabotage your goals.
Perfect. If nobody around you grows, you won’t either.
4. Get Addicted to Planning
Mind maps, aesthetic to-do lists, and Notion dashboards.
Spend hours designing the illusion of a better you.
Just don’t actually become that person
because that would ruin everything.
5. Tell Yourself You’ll Start Tomorrow
This is a crucial step. Quit a bad habit? I’ll do it tomorrow.
Do the side project? Still tomorrow.
Fix your sleep? Guess what—tomorrow.
Tomorrow is your safest place.
It protects you from effort, discomfort, and accountability.
6. Wait for Motivation Instead of Building Discipline
Don’t act unless you feel like it.
And when you don’t feel like it—which is almost always—just say
your mental health is stopping you.
A true classic.
7. Treat Sleep Like an Optional Side Quest
Go to bed whenever, wake up tired,
repeat until your brain feels like mashed potatoes.
It’s the closest thing to legal self-destruction.
Conclusion
That’s it. Follow this guide,
and you’ll have yourself another wasted year, guaranteed.
But here’s the part you can pretend you didn’t hear:
There are only so many years where you’re young enough to try.
2026 is one of them. Waste it if you want.
Go write another useless chapter.
But when your book comes to an end,
don’t act surprised that the ending is not what you wanted.
