How To Heal From Betrayal Trauma
Whether it’s a cheating partner, broken promises,
or deception from family and friends, betrayal is heartbreaking.
To manage the shock, your mind goes into survival mode,
the “fight or flight” response—triggering a significant increase
in stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline.
The symptoms that follow can include anxiety, depression,
sleepless nights, self-isolation, flashbacks,
and a deep sense of loss.
In the midst of this chaos,
you might wonder if you could have done something to prevent it.
But the truth is, none of it was your fault.
Healing from this kind of pain takes time, but you can do it.
In this article, we discuss how you can heal gradually and start living happily again.
1. Find Safety
The first step involves distancing yourself both physically
and emotionally from the person who hurt you,
at least for a while.
- Create a Safe Space: You must prioritize your own safety. This might mean setting boundaries or even cutting off contact completely.
- Treat the Wound: Think of it this way: if a snake bit you, you wouldn’t chase it seeking answers; you would focus on treating the wound. Similarly, focus on your healing rather than dwelling on the source of your pain.
2. Mourn the Loss
You are not only grieving the loss of the relationship
but also the future you imagined,
the trust that has been shattered,
and the person you were before this happened.
- Let Emotions Flow: Allow yourself to feel anger, sadness, or confusion—there is no “wrong” feeling in this phase.
- Expression: Journaling, venting, or creative outlets are healthy ways to express pent-up emotions. Consider connecting with a therapist or support group for professional help.
3. Take It Day by Day
Healing isn’t a straightforward journey.
Some days you will feel ready to move on,
while on others you might feel stuck.
- Flexibility: When you feel strong, use that day to get things done. On tougher days, take extra special care of yourself.
- Pace Yourself: Let go gradually at your own pace. The key is simply to keep going, even on the hard days.
4. Forgive When You’re Ready
The person most hurt by unforgiveness, anger,
and grudges is you.
Once you feel safe and have begun healing,
consider forgiveness not as an excuse for the betrayal,
but as a way to set yourself free.
- Forgive Yourself: Start by forgiving yourself for not seeing the signs or forthe choices you regret. You are human and constantly learning.
- Forgive Them (for You): Forgiving the betrayer doesn’t mean letting them back into your life or condoning their actions. It means letting go of the resentment that is poisoning you.
- Ho’oponopono Practice: Try the Hawaiian practice of Ho’oponopono to release emotional weight. Place your hands over your heart, close your eyes, picture the person you want to forgive (even yourself), and repeat: “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.”
5. Calm Your Nervous System
Experiencing loss can trigger harmful emotional
and behavioral patterns.
When you feel the urge to escape through
unhealthy coping mechanisms,
it is essential to manage these triggers.
- Relaxation Techniques: Find a quiet space and breathe deeply.
- Self-Care Rituals: Take a warm bath with Epsom salts and essential oils, join a restorative yoga class, or get a massage to alleviate physical symptoms like migraines and neck pain.
6. Stay Connected to the World
It is natural to want to numb the pain with distractions,
but isolation can lead to depression.
Healing happens in a community.
- New Connections: Every new connection helps you feel less alone. Be open to new friendships, hobbies, or dreams.
- Say Yes: Say yes to small opportunities that spark curiosity. These remind you that life still has good things to offer, helping you put the past behind you while learning to live fully despite it.
7. Gradually Rebuild Trust
Healing involves overcoming the inner resistance to trust again.
- Reflective Journaling: Ask yourself, “What has this taught me about myself or my values?” This might reveal the importance of boundaries or recognizing red flags.
- Shift Perspective: Focus on lessons learned rather than regrets to shift your self-esteem from victim to resilient overcomer.
- Challenge Thoughts: Challenge “all or nothing” thoughts like “everyone will betray me.” Remind yourself that one person’s actions do not define everyone. Focus on individual behaviors rather than labeling entire groups.
Summary
Healing from betrayal trauma may seem like a distant dream,
but with time and self-compassion, it can become a reality.
By actively mourning your loss, prioritizing your safety,
and gradually rebuilding trust in yourself and the world,
you will emerge stronger and wiser.
Believe in your heart that someday you will heal,
remembering those who betrayed you not with bitterness,
but with the strength to wish them well and move on.
