How to be miserable for the rest of your life
Here is a quick tutorial on how to be miserable for the rest of your life.
1. Wake Up Whenever You Want To
Don’t wake up at a reasonable hour—an hour
that makes you feel good about yourself.
Make sure you wake up when everyone has had
a head start to the day.
You really want to make sure you feel like you’ve missed any chance
to start your day off on the right foot.
When you get out of bed, don’t make your bed and don’t shower.
Just wear whatever you wore yesterday and head downstairs.
It’s important that you start the day off with little to no
self-respect, feeling as grimy as possible.
2. Make Sure Your House is Always a Complete Disaster
Your house is filled with many rooms,
each with a specific purpose.
You want to make sure that it’s extremely difficult
to accomplish those purposes.
The pigsty will also help subconsciously reinforce the idea
that you’re a disorganized person whose life is not in order.
This is an extremely important belief
to have when trying to remain miserable.
3. Procrastinate
When the thought dawns on you to do something productive,
like clean your disgusting kitchen, just ignore that feeling.
After all, you just woke up, and you have
so much time later in the day to get that done.
You want to get in the habit of delegating all your life’s problems
to the “future version” of yourself,
who will probably have a lot more motivation
and energy than you do right now.
4. Look Busy
After you sit down to do some work,
open up a Word document to help yourself feel like
you’re being productive.
Give your document a nice title
and then immediately open up Reddit, Instagram, Facebook,
and Twitter just to check if you missed anything.
It doesn’t really matter what you do.
As long as you’re sitting at your desk
and that Word document is open,
it’ll help trick your conscience into thinking you’re doing work,
even though you won’t be getting any further in life.
5. Wait for Opportunities
Never be proactive in finding new opportunities
to grow your career or meet new people.
Wait for all of that to come knocking on your door.
After all, if it’s going to happen, it’s going to happen.
You’ll meet the girl of your dreams one day,
and things will kind of just work out.
You’ll probably also land your dream job if you just wait long enough.
The important thing is not to take action.
Don’t try to figure out the most effective way to get what you want;
just wait until things work out.
6. Be Default “No”
When a friend asks you to go out for a drink, just say no.
After all, you’re super busy these days and have a lot of work to do.
When your boss gives you the opportunity to lead a meeting at work,
try to find an excuse to slink out of it.
The key here is to give everyone the impression
that they should just let you do your own thing.
Be so good at saying no that people just stop asking you
to do anything.
7. Be Suspicious of People
Never give people the benefit of the doubt.
Believe that everyone basically just wants to take advantage of you.
Because of this, you should be guarded
and put up walls to protect yourself emotionally.
Assume the smiles people give you are fake
and that their motives are malevolent.
8. Never Fix the Things You Dislike About Yourself
Continue to engage in activities
that make you feel subhuman and weak.
Never prove to yourself that you can overcome obstacles
or better yourself.
Never attempt to transcend your vices
or change your lifestyle for the better.
Subscribe to the idea that people can’t change,
so you shouldn’t try.
9. Focus on Things You Can’t Control
As often as possible, get pissed off at the traffic,
the government, the pandemic.
You really want to reinforce the idea that the world is messed up
and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Focus on the shortcomings of others,
the failings of your country, and the state of the economy.
Maintain a constant external locus of control
over all the events in your life.
This will really help you feel powerless.
And if you’re trying to be miserable, that’s perfect.
10. Use Fear as Motivation
Make the fear of negative consequences your primary motivator
for everything you do.
Set up deadlines that frighten you
and punish yourself for failing to meet them.
Use white-knuckle tactics to force yourself into productivity
and remind yourself constantly that your entire life
could fall apart if you don’t keep your head above water.
11. Only Do What is Comfortable
Let your comfort zone be the authority on what you do and don’t do.
If it’s not comfortable, don’t do it.
Avoid discomfort at all costs and participate only in activities
=[that are familiar and effortless.
Don’t concern yourself with gaining fresh perspectives
or novel experiences. Stay in your lane.
Operate in your wheelhouse.
12. Believe You’re Special
Behave like you’re entitled to things on the basis that
you’re just different than everyone else.
Assume that the people who have what you want in life
just don’t deserve it as much as you do.
Always regard yourself as talented, unique, and one of a kind.
This will really help you develop an outsider complex,
which will make it difficult to open up to other people
or see things from their perspective.
But since you don’t want to do any of that uncomfortable
stuff anyway, that’s perfect.
13. See Life Not As It Is, But How You Wish It To Be
Daydream of a day where things are better;
fantasize about a life where all your problems are gone.
You want to make sure you mentally escape as much
as possible to distract yourself from the obstacles in front of you.
Pour your mental energy not into fixing your problems
or improving yourself,
but into building up this fantasy to be as detailed as possible.
Reflect daily about what you would buy if you won the lottery
or became a celebrity.
Constantly compare your life to this fiction
and become resentful at the juxtaposition.
If suffering is what you’re after and you crave the daily strife,
then you’re in luck, because if you follow this advice,
you’ll be miserable for the rest of your life.
