8 Habits From Tommy Shelby That Make People Respect You
People love Tommy Shelby from Peaky Blinders.
He’s a quiet, introverted character, and at the same time,
extremely charismatic.
While you don’t want to be like Tommy in every way,
there are habits you can learn from him to instantly command
more respect from the people around you.
Even though Peaky Blinders is a scripted TV show,
all the psychology covered applies to actual life.
1. Slow, Relaxed Movements
The first thing you see from Tommy is that he has slow,
relaxed movements.
When he isn’t physically fighting, he is rarely in a rush.
When you move slowly and comfortably in a situation
where most people would be stressed,
it instantly gives the sense that you are above feeling intimidated.
It shows that you don’t feel scared or pressured.
2. Comfortable Holding Eye Contact During Conflict
Along with slow movements,
Tommy is comfortable holding eye contact, even during conflict.
However, trying to hold eye contact all the time during conflict
can actually escalate the tension if neither person is willing to break.
The goal isn’t to break eye contact;
it is to know what your behavior signals to other people:
- Hold if you want to show you aren’t intimidated.
- Look down if your priority is to de-escalate.
- Hold for 3 to 5 seconds, then break to the side (not down) if you want to diffuse the situation without projecting fear or discomfort.
3. Non-Reactive to Hostility
At a high level, Tommy’s ability to command respect in moments
of conflict comes from the fact that he is not reactive to hostility.
He projects massive confidence without even speaking.
Being non-reactive shows you feel confident in your ability
to handle whatever is happening.
It is hard not to respect someone who keeps their cool in situations
where most people would lose it.
The goal here isn’t to fake being okay while freaking out on the inside;
it is to cultivate a genuine, deep internal confidence.
4. Be as Big as Your Audience
If you want to command attention,
specifically in large groups, scale up your body language.
Use larger hand gestures when you are speaking
to more people so that you are as “big” as your audience.
5. Word Choice That Shows Conviction
Moving beyond body language,
the next way you can command respect is by focusing
on how you speak.
Tommy’s word choice shows conviction.
Specifically, when he talks about his plans for the future,
he doesn’t use weak phrases like “I hope to” or “I want to.”
Instead, he uses absolute statements like “I will.”
6. Downward Inflection in Tone
Beyond word choice, you can show conviction with just your tone.
Many people do the opposite, ending their sentences
with an upward inflection, making statements sound like questions.
This gives the impression that you are unsure of yourself.
If you want to show conviction with your tone,
end your statements in a downward inflection.
7. Slow Speaking Cadence and Intentional Pauses
Similar to his slow, relaxed body language,
Tommy also has a slow speaking cadence
and uses pauses between words to hold attention.
The pause is the moment when you are not speaking,
but ironically, it is the moment you can pull people in.
Tommy does this by pausing right
when you most want to hear what he has to say.
You may worry that speaking slowly and pausing
a lot will lead to people cutting you off.
The way to prevent this isn’t by rushing to finish
or giving up on your thought halfway through.
Instead, continue to speak in that same slow speaking cadence
until you have at least finished your sentence.
8. Carrot/Stick Motivation (Leverage)
Tommy doesn’t have to shout or raise his voice
because he either knows what you desperately want
and can give it to you (the carrot)
or he knows what you desperately fear
and can prevent it (the stick).
Because of this leverage, his quiet words carry massive weight.
He projects calm confidence under pressure
because he knows he has the upper hand.
While Tommy’s methods in the show are extreme (and violent),
you can apply carrot/stick motivation to your own life ethically.
How to Apply Carrot/Stick Motivation in Real Life
For example, if you want a raise at work:
- Instead of: “Hey boss, I’ve been working here a long time. I would really like a raise. Can I have more money?” (This is very focused on “I” and is not persuasive).
- Do this: “Hey boss, I feel like I can add more value to the company and play at a higher level. What would you need to see from me in the next 3 months to promote me?”
- Work with your boss to create a concrete list, then nail everything on that list. At the same time, go out and get other job offers.
- In 3 months, you can show all the value you’ve created for your boss (The Carrot).
- If they back out of the agreement, you can tell them you want to stay, but you have other offers that pay more if they’re unwilling to give you a raise (The Stick).
Executing this requires building the deep internal confidence
to follow through on your plans and leverage.
