5 Hidden Signs YOU’RE Actually the Narcissist

Have you ever wondered what makes someone a narcissist?

What if you chose to analyze your own behavior,

could you be the narcissist?

In an Insider article,

licensed clinical social worker Laura MacLeod explained

that preferring to talk about yourself and your dreams,

or spending a lot of time thinking about yourself,

does not always indicate that you are a narcissist

or even highly self-centered.

It may simply mean you enjoy focusing on your goals.

However, noticing that you spend plenty of time concentrating

on yourself may trigger alarm bells

and cause you to question if this is healthy.

Let’s look at five hidden signs that you might actually be the narcissist.

1. Conversation Monopolizer

Suppose you are having a conversation with your coworker.

Is the pattern interpersonal and interactive,

or does it seem like you are the one “hogging the ball”?

• The One-Way Street: According to clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula, there is no healthy give-and-take in a conversation with a narcissist. They take up most of the airtime.
• Self-Focus: What they have to say is all that matters. They talk only about what they have done or what they are thinking.
• Discounting Others: It is possible for narcissists to hear something out, but only to explain why their opinions are right and yours are wrong. They discount, ignore, disparage, ridicule, or make other people’s feelings and needs seem insignificant.

2. Tall Man Syndrome

This phrase, introduced in 2011 by clinical psychologist

Dr. Susan Heitler, has nothing to do with physical height or gender.

• Superiority: In her clinical practice, Dr. Heitler noticed a pattern of arrogance and entitlement when clients achieved positions of greater significance. “Tall Man Syndrome” manifests in people who consider themselves superior to everyone due to their special qualities.
• Beyond the Workplace: This characterizes not just business leaders who boast about accomplishments, but also individuals who feel superior because they are wealthier, more attractive, or have higher status.

3. Rules Are Irrelevant

According to therapist Bill Eddy in his Psychology Today article

regarding the common grievances of narcissists,

they are intolerant of rules because rules restrict their freedom.

• The Law Doesn’t Apply: To them, the law is irrelevant, so why bother adhering to restrictions?
• Behaviors: This can range from speeding and breaking traffic laws to stealing whatever they want.
• Double Standards: In relationships, the rules aren’t mutual. Narcissists often enforce rules on everyone else but do not believe the rules apply to them.

4. Dish It Out

Does criticism pose a severe threat to you,

or are you able to take it well?

• Excessive Reactions: Clinical psychologist Leon F. Seltzer explains that narcissists exhibit excessive reactions when criticized, often “dishing it out” or turning on the criticizer with resentment.
• Rejection of Feedback: They do not care if the criticism is constructive or destructive; they simply cannot take any form of it. They strive at all costs to shut out negative feedback to hold onto a positive but inflated sense of self.

5. Blame and Shame Equals Self-Hatred

Therapist Elinor Greenberg suggests pondering a simple question:

When you were little and spilled your glass of milk at the table,

what happened?

• The Narcissistic Response: A narcissist often answers that their parents blamed and punished them for being clumsy.
• The Healthy Response: Those who are realistic about mistakes report that parents offered comfort and help (“Don’t worry, get the paper towels”).
• The Inner Critic: Narcissists typically grow up under harsh criticism, leading to a harsh inner guiding voice. They look for any way to shift blame to avoid a deep sense of self-hatred and shame, which can lead to self-hating depression.

Summary

Do you worry that you are likely a narcissist?

The good news is that the fact that you worry about it shows

you are introspective and care if you hurt others.

According to therapist Dan Neuharth,

this is a strong indication that you are probably not a narcissist.

However, if you relate to any of these signs and want to improve,

seeking advice from a mental health professional

can help determine if there is something clinical

that needs to be addressed.