13 Signs of a Female Narcissist
This article discusses signs that a female is actually a narcissist
or has very high traits of narcissism.
High traits of narcissism basically mean that someone
will struggle to empathize with you and to see your perspective,
often leading to self-centered behavior.
While this can be quite covert,
females are often seen as maternal or caring,
which makes spotting a female narcissist difficult
until the relationship evolves.
Here are the 13 signs to look for.
1. Constant Need for Attention and Validation
They have an insatiable need for approval from others.
- Social Media: This might manifest as constantly seeking validation online to build a large following.
- Martyr Complex: Some may do a lot for others but end up resenting them. Their “people-pleasing” is actually about feeling worthy and validating themselves as a martyr who makes huge sacrifices.
2. Lack of Empathy
This emerges when she behaves in a way that hurts
others’ feelings without realizing it.
- Logical vs. Emotional: She may have a good moral compass logically, but in subtle social situations, she operates without considering the emotional impact of her actions.
- Difficulty with Feedback: Offering constructive feedback is hard because it may not have even occurred to her that her behavior was hurtful.
3. Manipulative Behavior
They use tactics like guilt-tripping
or gaslighting to influence behavior or perspectives.
- Triangulation: They might speak badly about someone behind their back to influence how you see that person, rather than tackling the situation head-on.
- Childhood Survival: Narcissists often learned manipulative tactics in childhood to survive and get their needs met, as direct communication didn’t work for them.
4. Grandiose Sense of Self
They often feel entitled
and believe they are better than others.
- Fragile Self: Behind this arrogance is a very fragile sense of self. They were often punished for having their own identity growing up.
- Fluctuating Self-Esteem: They fluctuate between idolizing themselves and feeling completely worthless, though they will rarely admit to the latter.
5. Exploitative Nature
Female narcissists use people for their own gain.
- Strategic Friendships: They form friendships that help them climb the social or career ladder and have little interest in those who cannot benefit them.
- Black and White Behavior: They can be overly nice to useful people while totally disregarding others, which helps them operate in disguise for a long time.
6. Shallow Relationships
Relationships remain superficial
because narcissists are ashamed of their inner world.
- Fear of Intimacy: They don’t share their true thoughts and feelings.
- Codependency: They encourage codependent relationships because they are terrified of abandonment, often pulling people close while pushing others away due to jealousy.
7. Inconsistent Behavior
She might switch from being extremely giving
and kind to being nasty or ignoring you completely.
- The Switch: You might be in the “good box” one day and the “bad box” the next. A minor mistake can lead to being discarded, which is very confusing for the victim.
8. Extreme Sensitivity to Criticism
Offering feedback is difficult
because they become highly defensive.
- Ego Protection: Constructive feedback causes them shame, which they interpret as being an “awful person.”
- Ego Supply: To maintain a stable self-image, they need “ego supply”—at least one person who provides them with an abundance of admiration.
9. Lack of Accountability
They rarely offer a genuine apology.
- Excuses: If they behave poorly, it is always someone else’s fault or due to a specific reason, never their own poor judgment.
- Rare Apologies: An apology without excuses (“I slipped up, sorry”) is extremely rare.
10. Boundary Violation
Violating boundaries isn’t a big deal to them
because they lack empathy.
- Rationalization: They might check your phone without permission or cross other lines because they rationalize that it helps them achieve their goals.
- Chaos: These violations often lead to drama and chaotic situations in their lives.
11. Isolation
They attempt to isolate you from others,
ranging from subtle manipulation to extreme measures.
- Jealousy: They may speak badly about your friends or family to turn you against them, ensuring you spend more time with the narcissist.
12. Putting You Down
To feel good about themselves, they need to put you down regularly.
- Subtle Digs: Intelligent narcissists use subtle comments about your work or appearance to erode your self-esteem without looking overtly abusive.
- Overt Criticism: Less intelligent narcissists may use constant, overt criticism, which can severely impact your emotions over time.
13. Unpredictable Mood Swings
They struggle to regulate their emotions,
leading to sudden bad moods or anger.
- Triggers: Minor events can send them into a spiral they cannot control, and they often take these bad moods out on those closest to them.
Summary
If you notice someone has high traits of narcissism,
it is often best to keep them at arm’s length if possible.
If you cannot distance yourself,
setting strong boundaries is essential to protect your well-being.
Remember, while we all have some narcissistic traits,
a true personality disorder involves
a consistent pattern of these behaviors.
